From the VV67 Letters page... A New Light on Veganism.

Dear Readers,

I understand someone wrote in asking for a lightbulb joke about vegans. Speaking as the owner of what is probably the world's largest collection of lightbulb jokes, currently standing at around 600 questions with 850 answers, I guess I must be something of an authority on the subject. As far as I know, no one has ever succeeded in making up a truly funny answer to the question: "How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?" I'm hoping someone else will prove me wrong. In the meantime, I offer the following answers, none of which are outstandingly witty:

A. 1) Two. One to take the old bulb out and one to check the ingredients on the new one.

A. 2) Ten. One to take the old bulb out and 9 to stand around discussing what they all want to do next.

A. 3) Six. One to change it and 5 to sit around in the hot tub discussing the environmental impact.

A. 4) None. It's society that needs to change, not the lightbulb.

A. 5) Three. One to change it, one to point out that Thorn lighting is part of Thorn EMI, and one to look up Thorn EMI in the Ethical Consumer and discover (horrors!) that they're involved in testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd World potatoes or something...

A. 6) Ten again. One to change it and 9 to go on the march protesting about the nuclear plant that powers it.

A. 7) Two again. One to change it and one to phone around and cancel the party they were going to have to celebrate that it had been burning brightly for 50 years.

A. 8) Dozens and dozens to go round selling raffle tickets so they can afford to buy a new one.

A. 9) None. Because someone might come into the room who likes to sit in the dark, or

A. 10) None. They are all far too busy whining about what an atrocious animal welfare copout the "Freedom Foods" thing is.

I could also modify countless other answers which are currently paired with questions about New Agers, feminists, Californians, CND supporters, environmentalists, New Men, and the like.

Cheers,

BRIAN

(Lightbulb Joke Collector Extraordinaire).